My other half. A term that is used lightly, but can have bad side effects if we think of it in any literal sense.
The mentality of feeling incomplete without a partner is a dangerous terrain. If there are imbalances in your values of self, you’ll continually find yourself feeding off your partner, or vice versa. Or even worse, feeling as if you love them more than they love you, turning the love between the two of you into a game. And as soon as love becomes a game, someone will lose, and the end is always ugly.
An ‘incomplete’ state of mind will make break-ups worse. Ending a relationship is never enjoyable, but it can take a lot longer to rebuild your heart and mind if you stay unsure of yourself. I was in a relationship in which I kept giving and giving to the point where the reason it ended was because I simply had no more to give. I left feeling physically, mentally and emotionally spent. Months after the break-up, I was still resentful of my ex for ‘taking so much from me’, when in reality; I was to blame for not putting my foot down on what I wouldn’t accept sooner. Rather than thinking of my direct happiness through the relationship, I looked to ways in which I could please him; hoping to get kicks through his approval of my actions. I was settling for ‘new without tags’ satisfaction and had to learn the hard way that passive happiness can never ever be enough when you’re not getting what you feel you deserve as a partner.
In entering any relationship when we are in doubt of our needs, and ourselves, we unknowingly sow seeds that have the potential to become deal breaking trust issues; stemming from insecurities that weren’t properly addressed before the relationship begun. As a result, we end up holding on for dear life to someone we know isn’t right for us, purely out of fear of the prospect of living without them. Humans are incredibly flawed beings, but we have been blessed with the free will to create strong choices with regards to our morals, goals, and desires. And there is great security to be found in being firm on what you will and won’t stand for. These ‘non-negotiables’ will, in turn, help to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to finding a mate.
This security works in another way; if you do happen to be single for a long period of time, whether by choice or circumstance, you don’t feel like you’re missing out, because YOU complete you. Any mate is like an extra serving of whipped cream on a cake, which already has the cherry on top. But treat that whipped cream with respect. Just because you’re already a whole doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dearly appreciate the person that has become an intimate part of your life. But this great guy/girl should be an addition, rather than a completion.
If your current partner makes you hide or erase parts of yourself for their benefit; you need to re-evaluate ASAP. Because no man, or woman, should make you feel any less than anything you know you are. If they do, they don’t deserve any of you.
I’m not looking for my other whole; at present, I remain planted on the fence. The relationships I’ve been in haven’t given me sufficient confidence that I will meet one human being to trust enough to jump off the fence and stay caught in his arms. But if my cloud of cynicism-coated heartbreak encounters love’s rays of hope once more and I do meet Mr. Right, he’s going to have to be a 100% whole human being before I think thoughts of ‘happily ever after’. And so will I.