What I Think Soul Mates Are.

I guess the first thing to note is that I’ve used a plural for this term on purpose because I believe a person can be blessed with many of these individuals, although meeting an authentic one is easier said, and the expression more frequently misused, than done.

In my personal view, when you meet a soul mate, you’ve met someone whose impact you wouldn’t want to imagine the continuation of your existence without. That seems like a bold statement, but the soul isn’t a small thing. It is the feeling of who we are, the sense and essence of our identity. The more spiritual among you could go so far as to say that your soul is the immortal element of your being.

It’s no surprise then that we are so eager to give people that enter our lives this status; how fulfilling it must be to feel you’ve found someone you couldn’t live without. However, as a society, we have a tendency to over-exaggerate, ultimately giving things less meaning. For example, if everything is ‘literally the best thing you’ve ever eaten’ then nothing is. This ease of loving also extends to people we meet. The phrases “I love you” or “You’re my soul mate” can often be handed out like free Subway coupons when in truth, finding or becoming a soul mate is a much more difficult journey than we may recognize.

It requires an immaterial connection that cuts through the superficial shell of physical attraction to a place much more whole, more treasured and, most importantly, more vulnerable. A person has to go through a fair few hurdles to get to the soul. Even if you are known to wear your heart on your sleeve, your soul will be buried deep within your being, in a place where your hopes and fears live and breathe. When someone finally gets there, the bond formed is frightening because it’s unexplainable. The certainty of knowing a person is special to you, the inability to fully comprehend why, but the knowledge that it makes sense in its own way, is an overpowering and enveloping feeling.

With this in mind, I believe there’s a difference between a soul mate and a relationship partner. I’ve been in a few relationships now, all of which have ended, and I am currently living, without those men, in a complete fathom of acceptance of the reality that none of them were my soul mates. I know what some of you may be thinking: Wow that girl was in a relationship and now she’s BIT-TER. I’ve got news for you: I was – without a doubt – that girl. And it was (real) ugly! In the times when I allow myself to look back on the ‘mean reds’, as I like to call them, I am slightly embarrassed. I offer immeasurable apologies and gratitude to the friends and family that stood by me. As I write this blog, I’d like to think my sullenness has reduced to humorous and tolerable sarcasm. But, frankly, it took losing what I thought was a soul mate to start understanding what a soul mate means to me.

Now, I am definitely not saying that the person you’re in a relationship with cannot be one of your soul mates. I’ll put it this way, if we go with the belief that the soul is immortal, the connection made upon realising a soul mate is everlasting. It is precious, but it also has inestimable strength. This can’t always be said of many friendships and relationships, which often end over very insignificant things*

A soul mate is there for you and with you. They may be physically far away, but you will always be able to feel them closest to your centre. Your soul mates will tell you the things you don’t want to hear, the things you did wrong, the things you forgot to say, and the things you never should have said. But the difference between a soul mate and someone that is just really frank is that they won’t leave you high and dry to figure it out; they’ll help you through these mistakes, knowing you will do the same for them when the time comes. Because when it boils down to it: we all need guidance. No one can find their way through life by themselves. When you get it right, a soul mate will be there to congratulate, celebrate and then support you in whatever you look to achieve next. They will be your closest allies in the times when you doubt yourself, and your life lines in the times when you’re not yourself. Most of all, your soul mates will think of you in the same way, and you can lie together (or apart) knowing that though you may be equally misguided, you are equally as cherished.

If you’ve found this bond with someone, take care of it. The best things in life are free; it’s the loss of them that comes at a price. Stay united through the tough times; the more you fight through, the stronger your connection will be. And enjoy the feeling of knowing you’ve made a bond that will know no limits.

* If you know the person you’re in a relationship with is your soul mate, please accept my immediate jealousy!

PS – My posts are opinion-led. As in, I’m just another (learning) human being with thoughts, based on my personal experiences, which I’ve decided to share. Some of them may be absolute rubbish; that’s for you and the chip on my shoulder to decide 🙂

6 thoughts on “What I Think Soul Mates Are.

  1. Anonymous

    Your words are so heartfelt, sincere and beautiful. Im talking of all your blogs although commenting directly to this one. Your words are also healing. Never stop writing never stop sharing your gift. Words can harm but words can also heal. In a world full of so much atrocity and negativity highlighted so boldly in the media it’s nice to see someone sharing an honest, hopeful blog of self discovery something which at times we all struggle with. It’s easy to feel alone at these times which is why your blogs strike such a chord with me.

  2. Abiola Post author

    Firstly, I need to apologize for how long it’s taken me to reply to your post. I can’t tell how touched I was reading it. I wish I could know who you are, and offer a more personal thanks, but I hope it will suffice to thank you here from the bottom of my heart for sharing these words. I find the road of self-discovery to be more like a continuous surf, filled with dangerous waves, and calmer waters. I think it can only be a good thing to share all of these experiences, good and bad, and know that I’m connected to a community of people that feel the same. Thank YOU for being part of that. Thank you thank you thank you.

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